Sunday, July 31, 2005
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Snazzy new shawl.
Ooo it's cold outside.
Friday, July 29, 2005
Well I'll be Damned...
10th planet discovered past Pluto
By O'Ryan Johnson
Ten billion miles from the sun, you can hear a school textbook editor screaming.
About a month before students return to class, astronomers at the California Institute of Technology announced yesterday the discovery of a 10th planet, which means Pluto, the icy, forgotten stepchild of the solar system, has a big baby brother.
The new planet is 1 1/2 the size of its closest neighbor and is the first planet discovered since 1930, but doesn't have a name yet.
The planet's discoverer, Mike Brown, told the Herald last night he submitted a name - which he would not disclose - to the International Astronomical Union, which is deliberating it. Until then, the planet is called 2003UB313.
Is it vacation yet?
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
I would have said 100%
|You Are 30% Weird|
Not enough to scare other people...
But sometimes you scare yourself.
What do you get...
Thursday, July 28, 2005
If only I had known!
Just in case you ever wondered.
Facts on Farts.
Foul-mouthed British parrot banished by embarrassed keepers.
LONDON (AFP) - A foul-mouthed parrot previously owned by a lorry driver has been banished from public areas in a British animal sanctuary after repeatedly embarrassing his keepers, they said.
Barney, a five-year-old Macaw, is now kept indoors at Warwickshire Animal Sanctuary in Nuneaton, central England, when outsiders visit after abusing dignitaries with swearword-littered insults.
"He's told a lady mayoress to f..(expletive) off and he told a lady vicar: 'And you can f... off as well'," sanctuary worker Stacey Clark said.
Nor did the forces of law and order escape, she added.
"Two policemen came to have a look at the centre. He told them: 'And you can f... off you two wankers'."
Clark said sanctuary workers believed Barney either picked up the phrases from television or was taught them by his previous owner, a lorry driver who emigrated to Spain.
"He does say 'Hello, big boy' and 'Thank you' when you give him a biscuit," she added.
"But it's mainly naughty words and always to the wrong people. We're trying to teach him not to swear. Macaws are very intelligent birds."
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
A Geek's Take on Terror
Financial aid is a bitch.
However, I am particularly scornful of the institutional financial aid office which shall remain nameless. (IFAOWSRN) I have been diligently filling out all my forms and applications since April - my FAFSA, and all institutional related forms. Partway through the summer IFAOWSRN decides it is going to rollout an electronic financial aid system, where all my information will be right at my fingertips. This is about 1.5 months ago. My information has only come to my fingertips this very morning, approximately 22 days before my BIG FRIGGIN TUITION PAYMENT (BFTP) is due. So IFAOWSRR calmly tells me to wait indefinitely for my eligibility. When it finally pops up this morning, I then have to print out several forms indicating which of the menu of cafeteria options I would like to use to reduce my BFTP. Now that I have done so I must fax it to the IFAOWSRN so that they can fax it to my lending institution. Then my lending institution must send me a Master Promissory Note (MPN) confirming what I would like to take towards my BFTP.
ONLY then will my IFAOWSRN consider me aided for the year. Not only does this all have to happen in T-22 days, but the financial aid payment has to be transferred or I have to schedule a deferrment with the IFAOWSRN. This during their "peak period" where their phone lines actually say "We are extremely busy and due to high call volume we cannot take your call" before abruptly disconnecting you.
Color me pissed.
P.S. I might add that I have not actually received my fee bill yet despite payment being due in almost exactly three weeks. I should receive the bill the night of my last final, along with a binder of material to read for the new classes that start in 3 weeks [for which I must write 2 papers to be turned in the first day] and a cheery note from the program administrator (who does not know the difference between the word "roll" and "role" in a variety of contexts) telling me to enjoy my three weeks off during which I will be working on new curriculum. Gotta love grad school.
Fortune Cookie Musings.
"There is a true and sincere friendship between you both."
Hazarding a guess at "you both":
* Me and the fortune cookie?
* Me and the mouse in my pocket?
* Me and my multiple personalities?
* Me and the Chinese food I just ate?
* Me and the man who served me chinese food? (dear god I hope not)
* Me and the guy in the fortune cookie factory?
The possibilities are endless...
***Translation: Other = Scarlett, Planter = Gerald O'Hara, Lady = Mrs. O'Hara
They called me Cinnamon because I was skinny as a stick and brown. But my name is Cynara. Now when I tell it, I say they called me Cinnamon because I was sweet and spicy. Sweet, hot, strong, and black -- like a good cup of coffee. Leastways, that's how Planter liked his coffee.
Planter used to say I was his cinnamon and Mammy was his coffee.
He said those words a day I had gotten into trouble dashing before Other upon the stained-glass colored light that fell in rows of blue and pink diamonds down the wide hall of the big house. If I was ten years old, it must have been 1855. I bumped into the leg of the Hewitt sideboard. Other was ten years old too. It was one of those days we had back when everything seemed it would always be just as it has always been. Everything and everyone had a place and rested deep in it, or so it seemed that day to would-be knights and ten-year- olds. Then I bumped into that carved leg, and the shell-shaped bonbon dish jumped off Lady's sideboard as if it just wanted to split into a hundred porcelain shards on the lemon-oiled pine floor. Something had changed, and I had changed it. Someone wanted to beat me. Mammy said she'd beat me good, with a belt. Other lied and said she'd knocked into the table. Said it 'cause she knew it would pain Mammy to give me a whipping.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
A rule of organizations that states, “In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.” Formulated by Laurence J. Peter, this rule is supposed to explain occupational incompetence.
Sheer Literary Genius
Each year, Hemispheres, the offical magazine of United Airlines, sponsors a faux Faulkner contest. Please find below the "reprint" of the material from this year's winner from their site.
Next up... The Wind Done Gone.
2005 FAUX FAULKNER WINNER
The Administration and the Fury
If William Faulkner were writing on the Bush White House
By Sam Apple
Down the hall, under the chandelier, I could see them talking. They were walking toward me and Dick's face was white, and he stopped and gave a piece of paper to Rummy, and Rummy looked at the piece of paper and shook his head. He gave the paper back to Dick and Dick shook his head. They disappeared and then they were standing right next to me.
“Georgie's going to walk down to the Oval Office with me,” Dick said.
“I just hope you got him all good and ready this time,” Rummy said.
“Hush now,” Dick said. “This aint no laughing matter. He know lot more than folks think.” Dick patted me on the back good and hard. “Come on now, Georgie,” Dick said. “Never mind you, Rummy.”
We walked down steps to the office. There were paintings of old people on the walls and the room was round like a circle and Condi was sitting on my desk. Her legs were crossed.
“Did you get him ready for the press conference?” Dick said.
“Dont you worry about him. He'll be ready,” Condi said. Condi stood up from the desk. Her legs were long and she smelled like the Xeroxed copies of the information packets they give me each day.
“Hello Georgie,” Condi said. “Did you come to see Condi?” Condi rubbed my hair and it tickled.
“Dont go messing up his hair,” Dick said. “Hes got a press conference in a few minutes.”
Condi wiped some spit on her hand and patted down my hair. Her hand was soft and she smelled like Xerox copies coming right out of the machine. “He looks just fine,” Condi said.
Fine day, isn't it, Georgie, Daddy said. Daddy was pitching horseshoes. Horseshoes flew through the air and it was hot. Jeb looked at me. Stand back or one of his horseshoes is going to hit you and knock you down real good, Jeb said. Jeb threw the horseshoe and it went right over the stick and Daddy clapped. Run and get me that horseshoe, Georgie, Daddy said. I ran and picked up the horseshoe. The metal was hot in my hands, and I held it for a little bit and then I dropped it. I picked it up. It was hot in my hands and I started running away from Daddy and Jeb. Come back with that horseshoe, Daddy said. I was running as fast as I could. Jeb run after him and get me my horseshoe before he throws another one in the river, Daddy hollered. Jeb was chasing after me fast. Come back with that horseshoe, Georgie, Jeb hollered. But I was fast and I kept running until I got to the river. Dont you dare throw that horseshoe in the river, Jeb said. I threw the horseshoe in the river. Jeb fell on the ground. Jeb kicked and cried and then I cried.
“He needs his makeup,” Dick said.
“I'll do it,” Condi said. She put a little brush on my check and it tickled and I laughed.
Rummy walked into the room. “Jesus, what's he laughing about,” Rummy said.
“Dont you pay attention to him, Georgie,” Dick said. “They're going to be asking you all about Social Security. You just remember what we talked about.”
“He cant remember anything,” Rummy said.
I started to holler. Dick's face was red and he looked at Rummy. “I told you to hush up already,” Dick said. “Now look what you've gone and done.”
“Go and get him Saddam's gun,” Condi said. “You know how he likes to hold it.”
Dick went to my desk drawer and took out Saddam's gun. He gave it to me, and it was hot in my hands. Rummy pulled the gun away.
“Do you want him carrying a gun into the press conference?” Rummy said. “Cant you think any better than he can?”
I was hollering and Dick was turning red and then white and the room was tilted.
“You give him that gun back, right this minute,” Condi said. Rummy gave me Saddam's gun back and I held it my hands. It was hot like a horseshoe.
“You got the gun, now you stop that hollering,” Rummy said.
Condi patted me on the back. “It sure is hot in here,” she said. She fanned herself and took off her jacket. She smelled like perfume.
Sam Apple is a graduate of the creative nonfiction MFA program at Columbia University. His first book, Schlepping Through the Alps, was published in March 2005 by Ballantine Books. From 1998–2000, Apple edited New Voices, a national magazine for Jewish students. Apple’s freelance nonfiction work has appeared in a variety of publications including The New York Times, Slate.com, and the Forward. In 2004, Apple was a finalist for the Koret Award for Young Writers on Jewish Themes. In 2002, he won the Upload $1,500 first place award for short fiction. Apple is currently a contributing book editor at Nerve.com and at work on his second book.
What will they think of next?
Let's take a moment of silence to ponder these:
- The Toilet Bowl Restaurant. Yes, folks there is a restaurant in Taiwan that seems to think the place for outputs should resemble the place for inputs (commonly called factor inputs in business). [Insert bad bathroom humor here] Read more and check out the pics, if you dare, here.
- The Lap Pillow. For years women have placed "husband pillows" on their beds. (example here) Basically those are just big pillows that resemble a chest and arms (not literally) to provide support when you want to sit up in bed. Now some man (this HAS to be invented by a man) has decided that men need lap pillows to take naps. Check out the pics here.
Further, it ensures my being able to see Law & Order any hour of the day that I wish be it on TNT, NBC or USA. Long live the "dunt dunt," the "ching ching" or whatever that noise is that shows us that TNT means drama(TM).
Monday, July 25, 2005
A few sage words of advice...
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
Don't judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment.
Live simply, Love generously, Care deeply and Speak kindly.
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Swimmin' (or Fwimmin')
Usually my sister is the one to take Daniel swimming, but since she's back in the Chicago heat, the task fell to me. I probably haven't been in that pool in 5 years (or any pool other than a jacuzzi for that matter). Other than the fact that I may have inhaled half the water, it was wonderful. And Daniel, despite being a bit scared of swimming on his own where he can't stand, is a regular little fish. Whew I'm tired!
Honestly though, I think my favorite part of the day was right after swimming when Daniel came and sat, all bundled up in his towel, in my lap. He did the same thing after dinner. He hasn't sat in my lap in a long time (he's a big boy now and is always up and running around) but it was so nice to cuddle him, and talk to him and have him sit still and want to be there! Was just an extra special feel good.
Of course, now it's 10:30 and I'm home. The bed needs to be made (clean sheets MMMM), I need a shower, and I STILL haven't studied for the final tomorrow night. This wascally wabbit it is twouble.
Friday, July 22, 2005
What's a girl to do.
Then I remember.
My erstwhile neighbor high-tailed it out of town around Wednesday without turning off his beep-beepy alarm. It goes off every morning from some 6-ish hour to some 7-ish hour. After two mornings of being awake and cranky, and 2 calls to the landlord that did not result in him or her busting down the door and turning it off, I pulled out the big guns. I rescued the earplugs I was forced to wear when dating the ex (that man could snore like an elephant - do elephant snore?) and then buried my head under my pillow. Although this seems to block out the unwanted noise it has the side effect of making me miss my OWN alarm. Drat.
P.S. This neighbor better watch his back. There's going to be some serious voodoo doll action if the alarm goes off tomorrow (Saturday morning) before 10. Saturday mornings are sacred.
- Read accounting case for final
- Meeting at 9am Saturday to write up accounting case for final
- Help session for operations management
- Study for Strategy Final (Curse professor for giving no direction whatsoever in class)
- Laundry laundry laundry
- Visit with relatives, swim & BBQ
- Clean icky sticky hot apartment
- Cheer up BF
- Market - need food to last 2 more weeks
- Knit, watch DVDs, daydream about vacation and do all the other things I'm not supposed to because I'm supposed to be doing the above
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Looking out for ya.
Paramedics will turn to a victim's cell phone for clues to that person's identity. You can make their job much easier with a simple idea that they are trying to get everyone to adopt: ICE.
ICE stands for In Case of Emergency. If you add an entry in the contacts list in your cell phone under ICE, with the name and phone no. of the person that the emergency services should call on your behalf, you can save them a lot of time and have your loved ones contacted quickly. It only takes a few moments of your time to do.
Paramedics know what ICE means and they look for it immediately. ICE your cell phone NOW!
New title, definitions, restlessness.
I have decided that I need a new title. This related to topic #3 restlessness. See below.
1. An inclination or tendency to play pranks or cause embarrassment.
2. One that causes minor trouble or disturbance.
3. Damage, destruction, or injury caused by a specific person or thing.: i.e. What I'm about to do to this blog.
4. The state or quality of being mischievous.
Tired of looking normal/mainstream. Must insert flavor [here]. Stay tuned.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Overheard in class
"Let's party and dry-hump like we're 18 again!"
"Speaking of dry-humping, how was your date last night?"
Just in case you forgot...
If you like the Hollywood Gossip
Happy Moon Landing Day!
I take it back.
Now if only the guy next door had turned off his alarm before he left on vacation...
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
When other people's screwups cost me a LOT of money
Stay tuned. I may start a new blog entitled "Buy Verizon - or just bend over."
Getty Gone Bad?
Monday, July 18, 2005
Headlines by Jay Leno
One bag of shoes, all sizes, no matched pairs. Open to best offer or snorkel.
Feminine Products & a White Board
I just went into the ladies room and discovered a metal dispenser on the wall that said Feminine Tampons. I find the Feminine de facto redundant, because I shudder to think of what a male tampon would be like.
Topic 2 -
I came back from lunch to find a brand new, unadulterated white board outside my cubicle. I know I didn't order it. And yet I have the strangest urge to write something on it for all visitors to see.
Labels: Office Games
Tired of Depressing News?
Sunday, July 17, 2005
10 Semi-secrets of Me
1. I'm not as picky an eater as most people think - there are actually very few things I will not eat. (Just a bunch I can take or leave.)
2. Sometimes, I secretly think I belong on TLC's What Not To Wear.
3. Horror movies scare the crap out of me. I can't sit through them without wanting to throw up, and I usually have nightmares for weeks after.
4. My last 3 serious boyfriends all married the next girl they met.
5. My current boyfriend hates it when I mention that fact, but it's a pattern that makes me a bit insecure about my own future.
6. I'm a country music fan. I haven't found any other type of music where the songs can make me laugh and cry and everything in between.
7. I'm very easy going until I snap - then I have a mean streak I'm not proud of.
8. I can only fall asleep if the room is cold and I can snuggle under blankets. If the room is hot, I can't sleep at all.
9. I knit like crazy because it's a way to dispel my nervous energy and anxiety.
10. I don't like wine and I hate beer. Give me the hard liquor and I'm happy. (But I've never been drunk!)
Labels: L'il Ole Me
Friday, July 15, 2005
What kind of a Knitter are you?
You appear to be a Knitting Adventurer.
You are through those knitting growing pains and feeling more adventurous. You can follow a standard pattern if it's not too complicated and know where to go to get help. Maybe you've started to experiment with different fibers and you might be eyeing a book with a cool technique you've never tried. Perhaps you prefer to stick to other people's patterns but you are trying to challenge yourself more. Regardless of your preference, you are continually trying to grow as a knitter, and as well you should since your non-knitting friends are probably dropping some serious hints, these days.
What Kind of Knitter Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Labels: Knitting Content Ahead
Quote of the Day
-Robert Lynd, writer (1879-1949)
Thursday, July 14, 2005
From the July issue of In Style my Taurus Horoscope:
"A steady temperament is one of your most admirable traits. But this month Mars puts you in a cranky mood. To avoid confrontations stay away from foes until the feisty phase ends."
Are we sure that we're not talking about June? I could swear I spent all of June cranky.
Labels: Office Games
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Wolfie over and out.
Monday, July 11, 2005
Anyhow, life is crazy. I have 55 homework assignments to grade by Friday, and my own homework and takehome quiz to finish. Is it weekend yet?
More soon... it's time to fall into bed.
Labels: Office Games
Sunday, July 10, 2005
The evening started with a relative newcomer, Shelly Fairchild. I have to say - if you haven't heard her, you have to give it a listen. She's a Mississippi girl with soul and grit and an incredible voice. You've got to like your country a little dark and hot, but damn she was great.
The "official" opening act was none other than Mr. Blake Shelton. Ladies, he's one tall drink of water, a country boy at heart and could alternately rock the house ("Ol' Red") and make us cry ("Austin" - one of my personal favorites even before I knew who Blake Shelton was).
The main event started at almost 10, and the concert rocked. I have to say that if you enjoy Rascal Flatts music, they do not dissapoint live. Their fiddler is amazing, and there were music breaks, covers, and even a suprise guest appearance (and duet with Gary) by the great Brian McKnight. They played all of my favorites and rocked the house till almost midnight.
I have to say, this was probably the best concert I have ever been to - from beginning to end.
Labels: Groovin' to Tunes
Saturday, July 09, 2005
I finished that gosh darn quiz this morning, and I'm about to head off to a manicure, a munchkin show (choreographed by my superstar ballerina friend), and then out to the Rascal Flatts concert tonight. i'm ready for a little dressing up, going out and some fun!
Hope everyone is enjoying Saturday. More tonight!
Labels: Groovin' to Tunes
Friday, July 08, 2005
Meeting at 11 with the new boss to "debrief" on my position here and then its upward and onward. I will miss my incredible view - that little white window on the right has been mine for 2.5 years.
Labels: Office Games
Thursday, July 07, 2005
How can I resist with such good material?
BREAKING NEWS: He's No Lance Armstrong
GLENEAGLES, Scotland — President Bush collided with a local police officer and fell during a bike ride on the grounds of the Gleneagles golf resort while attending a meeting of world leaders Wednesday.
Labels: Political Statements
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Letter to the Editor
Finding New Meaning in a Founding Document
My sincere thanks to The Times for printing as its Fourth of July editorial the text of the Declaration of Independence. It is a unique and extraordinary document that inspired and continues to inspire not only our nation but, as well, people around the world. In reading it once again, however, I was struck by the number of offenses attributed to the "British crown" that have been, and are being, committed by the current administration.
Perhaps it is time for some remedial education, not only of our nation's leader and certain members of his administration and party but also of the bare majority of voters who returned this particular George to a second term in order that he might continue to pursue policies so at odds with our founders' ideals.
Palos Verdes Peninsula
George Bush Bans Toothpaste.
Based on this goodie, the ban can't be too far away.
Toothpaste to 'the rescue'
Phnom Penh - Cambodian prison authorities were seeking 13 escapees they said had drugged cellmates with sleeping tablets before using their toothpaste as a lubricant as they sawed through prison cell bars, authorities said on Tuesday.
Labels: Odd News
What do you mean it's not Thursday?
Maybe I just want it to be Thursday so I only have 1 day left in my job?
Hanging on till Thursday....FK over and out.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
This nonsensical news break:
BERLIN (Reuters) - A German thief effectively signed his own arrest warrant after photographing himself at the scene of a crime and accidentally leaving the pictures for police to discover.
A Space Cadet:
MOSCOW (Reuters) - A Russian astrologist who says NASA has altered her horoscope by crashing a spacecraft into a comet is suing the U.S. space agency for damages of $300 million, local media reported Monday.
Hot Diggity Dog (Ewww):
NEW YORK - For the fifth straight year, it was a victory Takeru Kobayashi could truly relish. Kobayashi, 27, captured the Nathan's Famous hot dog eating contest Monday, gobbling a nauseating 49 dogs in 12 minutes — but missing his own world record of 53 1/2, set at last year's July Fourth competition.
This news break generously brought to you by the letter Q.
Monday, July 04, 2005
T Minus 4 Days and Counting
I'm also excited about the short week - it means only 1 night of class, and lots of fun for the week!
A quick weekend recap:
* Saturday we went to see Papa in Ventura. Had a great deli lunch at Roxy's in Thousand Oaks. Then stopped by the house, hit the Camarillo Outlets (Jockey and Nine West!), then the Hamlet in LA for dinner and then a relaxing night at home chatting with the boy.
* Sunday was a BBQ and swim-fest at the parents with my Aunt, Uncle and 6 year old cousin Daniel. He's a cutie! Late night drinks with the girls and late to bed.
* Today was a relaxing day. Netflix movies, lots of knitting and relaxing naps. Talked to the boy 3 times and still found new things to talk about. :) Now getting ready to head off to bed, and make this short week go faster!
Happy 4th Y'all! Watch out for the fireworks!
Friday, July 01, 2005
Independence Day Un-Funny
Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, announced her resignation Friday and launched the high-stakes battle over who will replace her. The 75-year-old moderate conservative, who was the first woman to serve on the court, has been the swing vote on some of the highest-profile cases -- including abortion and vote-counting in the 2000 presidential election.
This is the first Supreme Court vacancy since 1994, when President Clinton nominated Stephen Breyer. President Reagan appointed O'Connor who took her seat as associate justice on September 25, 1981.
O'Connor's move did not surprise court watchers and portends a tremendous political battle. Already, conservative and liberal groups have been pushing the White House to fill a potential vacancy with someone who leans toward their points of view.
Things don't look good for us liberals out there. The guy who misunderestimates and chokes on pretzels gets to decide the judicial fate of the country. Anyone want to move to Canada?
Labels: Political Statements
Independence Day Funny
The US Postal Service has created a stamp with a picture of President George W. Bush to honor his first term achievements. In daily use it has been shown that the stamp is not sticking to envelopes. This has enraged the President, who has demanded a full investigation. After a month of testing, a special presidential commission has made the following findings:
1) The stamp is in perfect order.
2) There is nothing wrong with the applied adhesive.
3) People are spitting on the wrong side.
*This post generously donated by the Jackelope