Friday funny.

I have no good words for this, only hysterical laughter.



Forwarded to me from my crafty friend of a friend S. and found here.

The newest candidate for the Darwin Awards

I heard this on the radio today and could not believe it. The DJ got it from Fark.com, but I found the original article here.

Deepwater Man Fatally Shoots Wife While Installing Satellite TV

DEEPWATER, Mo. -- Officials were trying Tuesday to decide whether to file charges against a Missouri man who fatally shot his wife while trying to install a satellite TV system in the bedroom of their home.

Patsy Long, 34, of Deepwater, died after being shot in the chest with a .22-caliber handgun on Saturday. Her husband, Ronald Long, fired the shot from the inside of their home after several unsuccessful efforts to punch a hole through the exterior wall using other means.

Well here's a headline you don't see every day...

If this isn't an argument in favor of natural selection, I don't know what is.


British dwarf's penis gets stuck to hoover

EDINBURGH (AFP) - A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.

Daniel Blackner, or "Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf", was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the festival known for its oddball, offbeat performances.

The main part of his act saw him appear on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his member through a special attachment.

The attachment broke before the performance and Blackner tried to fix it using extra-strong glue, but unfortunately only let it dry for 20 seconds instead of the 20 minutes required.

He then joined it directly to his organ. The end result? A solid attachment, laughter, mortification and ... hospitalisation.

"It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled into a packed AE with a vacuum attached to me," Blackner said.

"I just wished the ground could swallow me up. Luckily, they saw me quickly so the embarrassment was short-lived."

Discourse on Flatulence, otherwise known as Competitions in Stupidity.

Flatulence, not turbulence, forces plane to land

Flatulence brought 99 passengers on an American Airlines flight to an unscheduled visit to Nashville early Monday morning.

American Flight 1053, from Washington Reagan National Airport and bound for Dallas/Fort Worth, made an emergency landing here after passengers reported smelling struck matches, said Lynne Lowrance, a spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority.

The plane landed safely. The FBI, Transportation Safety Administration and airport authority responded to the emergency, Lowrance said.

The passengers and five crew members were brought off the plane, together with all the luggage, to go through security checks again. Bomb-sniffing dogs found spent matches.

The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal body odor, Lowrance said. The woman lives near Dallas and has a medical condition.

The flight took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on the plane.

"American has banned her for a long time," Lowrance said.

She was not charged but could have been. While it is legal to bring as many as four books of paper safety matches onto an aircraft, it is illegal to strike a match in an airplane, Lowrance said.

Now who was more stupid here: the woman who lit the match or the authorities who allow matches onboard but ban them being lit? And can someone PLEASE put a can of Lysol spray on board or something?

Stupid Human Tricks

Panda bites man, man bites him back

BEIJING - A drunken Chinese migrant worker jumped into a panda enclosure at the Beijing Zoo, was bitten by the bear and retaliated by chomping down on the animal's back, state media said Wednesday.

Zhang Xinyan, from the central province of Henan, drank four jugs of beer at a restaurant near the zoo before visiting Gu Gu the panda on Tuesday, the Beijing Morning Post said.

"He felt a sudden urge to touch the panda with his hand," and jumped into the enclosure, the newspaper said.

The panda, who was asleep, was startled and bit Zhang, 35, on the right leg, it said. Zhang got angry and kicked the panda, who then bit his other leg. A tussle ensued, the paper said.

Oops.

9-11 memorial has some names in error

BAYONNE, N.J. - A 100-foot-tall sculpture being unveiled on Monday's fifth anniversary of 9/11 honors thousands of terrorist attack victims, and then some: Carved into the granite base are the names of more than 40 people who weren't killed on Sept. 11 after all.

The majestic sculpture across the Hudson River from ground zero will feature 3,024 names of people once believed to have died in the 1993 World Trade Center bombing and the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks on the twin towers, the Pentagon and on United Flight 93 in Pennsylvania.

The problem is that the Russian artist who created the work used an outdated list of names of those missing at the trade center.

This nonsensical news break:

The Darwin Awards:

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German thief effectively signed his own arrest warrant after photographing himself at the scene of a crime and accidentally leaving the pictures for police to discover.

A Space Cadet:

MOSCOW (Reuters) - A Russian astrologist who says NASA has altered her horoscope by crashing a spacecraft into a comet is suing the U.S. space agency for damages of $300 million, local media reported Monday.

Hot Diggity Dog (Ewww):

NEW YORK - For the fifth straight year, it was a victory Takeru Kobayashi could truly relish. Kobayashi, 27, captured the Nathan's Famous hot dog eating contest Monday, gobbling a nauseating 49 dogs in 12 minutes — but missing his own world record of 53 1/2, set at last year's July Fourth competition.

This news break generously brought to you by the letter Q.

Justice at its finest.

"Nigerian police have arrested a cow that killed a bus driver who was urinating on a highway, a police spokesman said Thursday." - Yahoo News

Another Candidate

For the Darwin Awards. Only this time... natural selection prevailed, and this guy was selected right out.

Kids - don't try this at home!

Darwin Awards

If this guy actually wins his lawsuit, I'm going to throw myself out the window. This guy deserved to go out in a flame of glory... or shit.

Natural Selection at its Finest

Star Wars fans go rabid.

And this year's Darwin Award goes to:

The parachutist who died while jumping off the Eiffel Tower. I think my favorite line of the article might be when the police officer is quoted as saying, "The jump didn't quite happen as he wanted." No kidding - I think any activity that ends in unintentional death doesn't go quite as planned.