Discourse on Testicles

Of the avian kind.

I was rather stunned today to see this headline: Testicle Festival allowed to keep its name.

It turns out that in Ft. Myers, Florida, each year there is a Turkey Testicle Festival. Recently the Festival has come under a certain about of scrutiny.

Members of the Fort Myers Beach Town Council voted four to one to not to change the name of the Turkey Testicle Festival.

Many people who were in attendance of the meeting say it was possibly the most entertaining meeting they had ever been to. But while the whole room was chuckling through most of the meeting, Councilman Garr Reynolds did not find it amusing at all.

Reynolds asked the festival's organizers to drop the word 'testicle' from the name.

"If you need to call it a Tom Turkey Festival, that would indicate it's a male turkey," said Reynolds.

So what precisely is a Turkey Testicle Festival?

The Testicle Festival is held at the Surf Club on Fort Myers Beach. Last year, the festival raised about $3,000 for the Harry Chapin Food Bank. The rule is, if you give a donation, you get to try a turkey testicle.

Apparently, Fort Myers Beach is simply following a national trend as there have been turkey testicle festivals in cities all over the country.

Now if you're like me, at this point you scratch your head and think, "Wow. I never saw a turkey with testicles. Do turkeys have testicles? How do turkeys reproduce?" Have no fear. Avian anatomy to the rescue.

Unlike the female's reproductive tract, the male usually has two functional testicles. However, they are located up inside the body near the kidneys, and are not found externally as they are in mammals. This is why most birds cannot be sexed by looking at the external characteristics of it, because the testicles or ovary are inside.

Great so you go up inside the bird to remove the testicles and serve them up to me? I don't think so.

Recipe for "Butterflied Turkey Nuts" (P.S. Don't ignore the recipe for Barnyard Family Jewels or Battered Balls!)

3 pounds of fresh turkey nuts
1 pound of flour
Salt & Pepper

Heat fryer to 350-degrees. Rinse nuts under cold running water and pat them dry with a paper towel. Make a lengthwise slit in your nuts, almost cutting in half but not going all the way through (butterfly). Dredge in the seasoned flour and fry immediately. Have a platter with a towel to drain your nuts on. Serve your nuts with your favorite sauce.

As a side note, I can imagine any number of men I know cringing at the thought of slitting the nuts lengthwise. I can also imagine a number of men who would tell me they "got nut sauce right here." I digress.

Lest you think I'm kidding, be sure to check out this citation:

Turkey Anatomy by Robert Klemm and Walter J. Bock, Science, Volume 175, Issue 4019, pp. 255

Well there you have it folks. You heard it here first.

Now that's enough Tom-foolery. Back to work.

The Makings of a Great Weekend

As far as I'm concerned, this weekend is already off to a great start. It's still Friday (barely) and I've already delved into a new book, A Thousand Days in Tuscany, and knitted on several of the projects I have going. Tomorrow is working at the knitting store, knitting, and a movie date with my sweetie. Sunday is Bond: Casino Royale with friends, and then assorted chores, more knitting and more dvds. Since classes are over now, there's no homework. (Just avoidance of the report due Friday and the final set for Thursday.)

So I'll leave you to enjoy your weekend, but not without a little humor first.

In my homage to Chris, here's how people have found me recently:

* Turkey testicles - since my diatribe (found here) I would say this phrase counts for at least 40% of the random hits I get. I knew America was into sex, but really poultry sex is just fowl.

* Victoria's Secret Free Panty Mailer - I attribute this to my fiance's continuing devotion to showering me with free panty coupons. I'm now known as the "panty queen" around the office.

* Naked in Singapore - Odd. I've been to Singapore and I've been naked in Singapore, but I'm fairly sure I didn't share that fact here.

* What to do with a dead cat powerpoint - If you need a PowerPoint to figure out what to do, you really shouldn't be entrusted with pets. Either that or you shouldn't have killed the damn cat in the first place.

* Responsibilities of extremophile excavators - I admit this one stumped me. What the hell is an extremophile? A quick check of Wikipedia reveals "An extremophile is an organism, usually unicellular, which thrives in or requires 'extreme' conditions that would exceed optimal conditions for growth and reproduction in the majority of mesophilic terrestrial organisms." Ahhh I see now. *smiles and nods*

* Doctor suggests the silly woman put this in the coconut for her bellyache - It's the LIME DAMMIT. You put the LIME in the coconut, and you drink it all up.

* Why does soda foam violently when mentos is added? - I believe I found the answer to this a while ago, but the video never fails to amuse. That catchy background music gets stuck in my head too.

* Persecution in the 1400's - Hmmmm fun stuff. Can't wait to see what else that turns up.

* "Rollin with the homies" - Ahhh nothin' I like better than hangin' in the hood with my pimps and hos, scorin' some bling-bling in the hizzy.

And finally:

* Hellwatch - Whoever wrote this one has clearly been to my office....I mean....erm. Oops.


Happy Weekend!