Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Discourse on Testicles


Of the avian kind.

I was rather stunned today to see this headline: Testicle Festival allowed to keep its name.

It turns out that in Ft. Myers, Florida, each year there is a Turkey Testicle Festival. Recently the Festival has come under a certain about of scrutiny.

Members of the Fort Myers Beach Town Council voted four to one to not to change the name of the Turkey Testicle Festival.

Many people who were in attendance of the meeting say it was possibly the most entertaining meeting they had ever been to. But while the whole room was chuckling through most of the meeting, Councilman Garr Reynolds did not find it amusing at all.

Reynolds asked the festival's organizers to drop the word 'testicle' from the name.

"If you need to call it a Tom Turkey Festival, that would indicate it's a male turkey," said Reynolds.


So what precisely is a Turkey Testicle Festival?

The Testicle Festival is held at the Surf Club on Fort Myers Beach. Last year, the festival raised about $3,000 for the Harry Chapin Food Bank. The rule is, if you give a donation, you get to try a turkey testicle.

Apparently, Fort Myers Beach is simply following a national trend as there have been turkey testicle festivals in cities all over the country.


Now if you're like me, at this point you scratch your head and think, "Wow. I never saw a turkey with testicles. Do turkeys have testicles? How do turkeys reproduce?" Have no fear. Avian anatomy to the rescue.

Unlike the female's reproductive tract, the male usually has two functional testicles. However, they are located up inside the body near the kidneys, and are not found externally as they are in mammals. This is why most birds cannot be sexed by looking at the external characteristics of it, because the testicles or ovary are inside.

Great so you go up inside the bird to remove the testicles and serve them up to me? I don't think so.

Recipe for "Butterflied Turkey Nuts" (P.S. Don't ignore the recipe for Barnyard Family Jewels or Battered Balls!)

3 pounds of fresh turkey nuts
1 pound of flour
Salt & Pepper

Heat fryer to 350-degrees. Rinse nuts under cold running water and pat them dry with a paper towel. Make a lengthwise slit in your nuts, almost cutting in half but not going all the way through (butterfly). Dredge in the seasoned flour and fry immediately. Have a platter with a towel to drain your nuts on. Serve your nuts with your favorite sauce.


As a side note, I can imagine any number of men I know cringing at the thought of slitting the nuts lengthwise. I can also imagine a number of men who would tell me they "got nut sauce right here." I digress.

Lest you think I'm kidding, be sure to check out this citation:


Turkey Anatomy by Robert Klemm and Walter J. Bock, Science, Volume 175, Issue 4019, pp. 255

Well there you have it folks. You heard it here first.

Now that's enough Tom-foolery. Back to work.

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