This obviously ain't me.

My daily horoscope:

First thing in the morning, you're flying high and acting flirty as all get out. But later on, you feel more like a wearing pair of cozy slippers and sipping a warm beverage. Just go with it. Variety is the spice of life, after all.

Now if I were writing it, it would look this way:

Even though you passionately hate mornings with the fire of a thousand hells, you will drag yourself out of bed and go to work because that's what responsible adults do. While there you will complete amazing feats that require extraordinary genius. After work you will follow your one true passion (other than your fiance who sadly is in another state) and go knitting. You will enjoy camraderie, humor and lots and lots of yarn. Finally you will arrive home, content that you are one day closer to weekend. You will ignore all household chores and looming homework and choose instead to knit some more in front of the tv. Despite your best intentions, you will get sucked into the boob tube for several hours and then fall asleep curled up in bed with the blanket grandma knit for you.

Now THIS would be a horoscope I could get behind.