A Religious Experience

For any of you who know me, you know that I'm not very religiously inclined. I usually define myself as Jewish by heritage (as in my family is Jewish) but not by faith (as in I don't really believe in it).

I'm not exactly sure when I started disbelieving. I know that as a child, I really felt no connection with the Jewish community. I went to Hebrew School up through the 5th grade. I could say the kids were mean to me, but it really wasn't anything other than the ordinary picking on the kid who was a little different. I guess I never found the community particularly welcoming. The Rabbi was very nice, and there were a few people I met that I still talk to today, but for the most part, I just felt like an outsider.

As I grew older, it became a constant battle between my mom and me. I never wanted to go to temple and she was adamant that I go. Ultimately I think I stopped going in part because I was rebelling against her, in part because I was uncomfortable there, and in part because I felt like a hypocrite going to a place of worship and standing alongside people who believed when I didn't.

All of this said, I went to a bris today for my boss's new baby. I wanted to go because events at work, of late, haven't been particularly kind to him, and he's been very good to me, so I wanted to show my support. Also because it's his first boy (he already has three girls!) and he's been so excited. I felt really honored to be included.

What I didn't expect, though, is how open and welcoming the whole thing was. A bris is a time for celebration, and the Rabbi was in high spirits. He was a quirky man who began by telling the story of how the Bris came to be, what it mean in terms of definition, translation and how important it was in Judaism. He went through the whole ceremony with a warmth, a humor and a caring that I hadn't seen before.

I don't expect that my feelings on my faith are going to change that much, because I still find it very hard to believe. But I feel really good about going today, and about finding a place in the Jewish community where I felt welcomed and accepted.