Queuing Hell

An open letter to any company that puts you on hold:

Waiting on hold with elevator music sucks.

Waiting on hold with elevator music while being told "Your call is important to us" sucks worse. Obviously I'm not important to you, because if I was important to you, you would pick up the phone rather than letting me chill out for an eternity.

Waiting on hold with elevator music, being important to you, and waiting for "my call to be answered in the order it was received" sucks even worse. You can't invest in some simple technology to tell me where I am in the line or how long you anticipate my eternity to be? Simple queuing studies show that people feel better served when they know how long they're going to wait. Of course that gets back to the last point, obviously the fact that I don't feel well served doesn't really matter to you.

Don't thank me for waiting. What choice do I have when my cable is out/you show my student account as delinquent when it's not/I need something serviced in my apartment? Again, cut the bullshit and help me.

And finally, don't tell me you're going to give me all the attention and care I deserve. What I deserve is a live human being to give me an answer to my problem. A simple "oops the cable went out in your area today" or "ooops we f'ed up your student account but we'll fix it and remove the late charges" will make me incomparably happy.

Thanks for nothing,
the little devil

P.S. Next up... you friggin telemarketers. I said put me on the damn Do Not Call list. That doesn't mean call back the next day.