25 Things you would like to say out loud at work (but can't!)

1. "I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap."

2. "I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce."

3. "How about never? Is never good for you?"

4. "I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public"

5. "I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message."

6. "I don't work here. I'm a consultant."

7. "It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying"

8. "Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again."

9. "I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth."

10. "Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view."

11. "The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist."

12. "Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental."

13. "What am I? Flypaper for freaks?"

14. "Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial."

15. "This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting."

16. "Sarcasm is just one more service we offer."

17. "If I throw a stick, will you leave?"

18. "Errors have been made. Others will be blamed."

19. "Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed."

20. "A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door."

21. "Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?"

22. "Too many freaks, not enough circuses."

23. "Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done."

24. "How do I set a laser printer to stun?"

25. "Oh I get it... like humor... but different."