Unexpected

For a while now I have been writing here, never sure how personal I can or should get. For the most part, even though it might seem fairly personal to most people, I haven't really written anything where I felt like I was baring my soul.

This weekend Wes and I broke up. Although I still feel sad, and a little empty and sick inside, I think I made the right decision. I have loved him for a long time, and in a lot of ways I still do, but the distance between us has always raised doubts in my mind and I could no longer ignore those.

I could no longer ignore those because something unexpected happened this week. I met someone. Someone here in Los Angeles.

What is amazing to me is how little I seem to have known my feelings until now. I have spent time dreaming of my future with Wes, and yet, I am not sure that I am ready to settle down and get married. I am not sure I am yet capable of giving my whole heart to one person forever.

I wasn't looking for this, but I can't say I'm unhappy now. Plunging back into the single world is frightening but at the same time exciting. And even if the man I met here doesn't become a serious relationship, I am glad for the opportunity to know him and spend time with him.

And that is just unexpected.