Scared. And Angry.
Right now I'm so angry I can barely write this entry coherently. I don't remember the last time I was this angry and hateful.
Tonight I had class. As many of you have guessed, I attend school in downtown Los Angeles. Not the best of neighborhoods in daylight, much less after dark. Up until tonight, I had never had any bad experiences with the seedier part of LA. I'm a smart girl - I stay on campus, I never venture anywhere alone after dark. I take care of myself.
On my way home tonight, following my normal route, I stopped at a red light. Almost immediately a car pulled up beside me (in the left turn lane). I noticed some commotion from the car, the windows were open and the men were talking loudly. As I looked over to see what was going on, another car pulled up behind me.
Immediately, I prayed for the light to change. I am a single white woman. I couldn't tell who was in the car behind me, but the car next to me was beat up, painted in primer, and two African American men were yelling at me through my closed window. If it makes me prejudiced I don't care. I was scared. Really scared.
I see the light for the cross traffic turn yellow. And then I hear a really loud bang against my car. And then another. The car next to me and behind me are throwing eggs at my car. I can't see through my side or back windows because they're covered in egg. The light turns green. I floor it. They don't follow.
I'm trembling. At first I'm scared. Then I'm angry. So angry I'm shaking and crying and I almost have to pull over, except I'm still in downtown so I don't.
In hindsight, I did the right thing. I mostly ignored them, I kept my windows shut and my door locked. I was probably never in any real danger - they were just driving around looking to harass SOMEONE and I was it.
In hindsight, I was lucky. I kept my window closed so they couldn't throw things directly at me. And it was only eggs. Far worse things have happened in LA. It could have been a gun.
But I'm scared. And I'm angry. And I hate them with a burning, sickening feeling that I've never felt before. And that last part is what makes me saddest of all.
Labels: L'il Ole Me